I have been thinking about life’s many surprises- the gifts and challenges. The way that the universe will continue to offer us things and the way that we choose to accept or reject them (even subconsciously).
The trick is that we have to be willing to tolerate the things we may not have chosen for ourselves in order to acquire the things we hope for the most. This doesn’t mean we have to suffer. Experiencing pain is inevitable and necessary in order for us to experience joy and peace. Suffering, however, comes when we do not give way to the truth that there will be difficulties. That there will be uncertainties. There will be times when we act ineffectively or act effectively and still don’t get what we want. And then there will be times when we get so much more than what we desired. Where something special happens just because. And we must respect and weather both. Because that willingness is what opens us up to possibility.
These past few years have brought me so much in the way of commitment, compassion, confidence, and gratitude. And I dare say it’s because I’ve been open to it. Without this I know I would not be as I am. I have had the courage to learn and the confidence to teach- knowing that I may fail or be told I’m not good enough. The strength to accept and the power to change. The desire to love and the will to connect. I’ve put myself out there, not because I should, but because I knew I had to in order to move towards my goals. It has been great to show others who I am, allowing myself to be without judgment, participating in life without meddling with mental commentary (I call this ‘hovering above the moment’ and I used to be a frequent flyer). A fundamental part of this movement lies in the choice to redefine myself. To say yes to me. To tell my loved ones that I am trying something new. Not because I am perfect but because I am willing to be imperfect and admit it. Imperfect and try anyways, imperfect and smile knowing it. The sarcastic, mysterious girl no longer wants to hide behind her quips but bloom instead- into a woman who listens, curiously and purposefully. Who gives herself and others the permission to be authentic and take risk. Who thinks of life as an adventure and yet does not expect grand events to sweep her off her butt and onto her feet. All it takes is a breath of fresh air, a yoga pose, a hug. It’s that simple.
I wonder where you are. Perhaps you’ve endured many challenges and there doesn’t seem to be a break. I know. Hang in there, stay open, don’t sit on your hands or swallow bitter words- be patient and your world will shift. I know it will. I’ve seen it. When you can let yourself deeply understand the meaning of a lesson then you will truly experience a blessing. I remember reading Elena Brower’s post on thinking that the word ‘blessing’ was phoney. I couldn’t agree more. I too had never really connected to the word blessing because it felt very religious and exclusive. But Elena said to bless yourself anyways. To bless your body, bless your food, bless your drive to work and your stressful day. I scoffed, then took her word for it and blessed myself. Because she was right about needing to forgive your parents in order to evolve and she was right about this, too.
Now I tell myself that I am worthwhile and I am. That I can heal and forgive and evolve and I do. I commit to valuing and loving myself in whatever form that takes and when that commitment wanes I do everything in my power to get it back. That is how I live ‘whole-heartedly,’ as Brene Brown says. That is how I open myself to all that life is and feel oh, so lucky.